Bag for Life!
‘Bag for Life’ that’s the question I get asked at every super market or shop counter. It seems like a reasonable proposition although very sinister and macabre. But in the context of what is being offered, it’s a very good deal as long as its not my life in question.
I’ve not taken up the offer as yet; I’m a little worried of the legal implications on purchase and how the unprovoked and fatal act is carried out.
If I accept the offer of ‘a bag for life’, I pay my 5p, as you do, then what happens?
Once the transaction is complete, will the cashier or shop assistant immediately leap into murderous action and take the life of the person who is next in queue? Or are there designated loyal employees willing to sacrifice their lives in exchange for the sale of a reusable plastic bag? Or worse is it my life that is taken once I hand over the 5 valuable pennies?
Is the life taken using the ‘tag removal’ gadget they have at the checkout? Will the person who loses their life have their head removed in the same emotionless manner used when removing tags from expensive spirits and razors?
I do wonder if there is an assistant store manager waiting in the wings with a Samurai sword or a Magnum 45. Once the transaction is complete he appears cool as a reduced price cucumber and says “Do you REALLY have less than 10 items in the ‘10 items or less’ till? . . . . Are you feeling lucky punk? . . . . Guess your not, you’ve just agreed to accept a Bag for Life . . . . . Asta la Pizza baby” does he then decapitate you with the razor sharp sword or fill your bargain hunting body full of life taking lead
Maybe we have the option to choose the
life that is exchanged for the cheap
plastic hold all. That 5p purchase is elevated when
we are given the power to choose to emulate the grim reaper. Temptation would be to ask for two bags, double the impact. The worry is if the deep and dark side of
the brain took over would the temptation be to buy £3 worth of bags, a bag for life would turn in to a massacre on a grand scale.
Maybe I’m looking at this in the wrong light, maybe the term ‘bag for life’ means to create life. Maybe the price of 5p and the purchase of a plastic bag will enable the buyer to do the necessary actions to create a life?
This again has its concerns, is the act of creating life completed with the cashier? The person behind you in the queue? Or again can we select an employee or a random person from the great British public?
If it is a member of staff that is going to help promote the ‘bag for life’ scheme how will this impact on their family life or relationship status? Surly this would need to be agreed during the recruitment stage of the person joining the retail outlet.
If we could select from the great British public I’m guessing there are going to be some mighty long queues behind some people, but sadly some are going to be left wanting and lonely.
This selection process will cause an imbalance to the structure of Britain; a two tier system will develop. We will see a two class status, those who have the physical assets that invite others to want to create life, and those who have the physical assets to repel life.
Legally this has issues; 5p for a plastic bag could give you at least 18 years of cost, worse if the child is a brainy bugger as the cost could carry through until they are 21 or more with university or other means of education.
This gives us the conclusion that a bag for life is probably aimed at the ending rather than creating of life, as cost will always prevail in the modern world.
Maybe I’ll just carry or juggle my food and goods back to the car. The thought of a bag for life is a little too complicated for me.
Naked Welsh Poet