A little snip bit to wet your apatite…….
The boss leant towards Dai, and with both hands clenched, he struck a menacing pose. His huge frame shadowed over the table, his knuckles propping him up, as he glared straight at Dai; it was a long fearsome stare, cold as a winter’s night. Dai found it all too intimidating; he looked away, first at one of the team leaders;
“Not at me, look at the boss!” was the high-pitched scream from the team leader. Dai turned to face the boss. With trepidation he waited; his eyes looked everywhere but into the boss’s eyes.
They bobbled around until his ears heard his boss’s voice boom out, “Listen, David,” said the boss, in a loud, deep, authoritative manner. “You are goin’ to agree to do something for me. I will in return do something for you. Then you will agree not to do something for me, and then agree not to do something for your fellow work-mates.”
Dai was lost after the first ‘agree’: his confused look gave this away. Both team leaders and the boss looked at each other, and one team leader then snarled, “Listen ’ere Dai, you is goin’ to agree to help us. We is goin’ to get you a First Aid certificate so you can be a First Aider. You will then agree not to tell a soul about this, d’you understand?”
Dai pondered for a moment. In his head he relayed the bit that stated he was going to be a First Aider. Excitement started to build from his toes, but he remained silent as he mulled over the thought of finally being a First Aider, and getting ‘the key’. His euphoric thoughts were rudely interrupted as he was sure something was missing. He nodded to the three men in the room, and agreed to keep his gob shut, and to not tell a soul. This was the easy part of the request, as no one really talked or listened to him anyway.
With the agreements in place the boss smiled and held out his arms for the team leader to put his coat on him. He shrugged his shoulders, allowing his coat to sit on him comfortably. He then gestured to the other team leader, who held out his hand. The boss promptly put the cigar out in his open hand, before placing it in his cigar tin, and putting it back in his inside coat pocket. He smiled to the team leaders; it was job done. He nodded to them, indicating he was now leaving.
Dai sat slightly puzzled: there was something missing. “What about the bastards I work with? You said I got team mates. What have I got to do with them?” he groaned, pathetically. The boss had started walking towards the door, but stopped by the side of Dai after his confused concern. He then turned to him, then turned to both team leaders individually, then turned back to look at Dai with a condescending smile, and tone of voice to match.
“Look here, Watkins, I don’t want you practising First Aid on the factory cat, never mind the wannabe human beings that roam this building disguised as employees. I don’t want a fuckin’ death in this factory and a compensation claim that forces me to sell my Cannes villa. You may be a First Aider on the record, but ya the last Aider I wanna see rushin’ to help the injured… d’you get my drift?” Dai nodded, then for a brief moment he mourned the loss of a potential career in medicine. ER seemed like the other side of the world.
Then reality kicked in, and he remembered the ‘real’ reason of being a first Aider.
“Will I get my key?” Dai asked the team leaders as he rubbed his hands on his knees.
“Yes, you’ll get a fuckin’ key,” laughed one of the team leaders, “If that’s what floats ya boat, ya freak.”
“Oh yes,” replied Dai, “My boat is a floatin’, an’ it’s gonna set sail, so stand to attention on the starboard captain, coz these seamen are goin’ overboard!”
http://www.amazon.co.uk/One Flew Over the Dodo’s Nest